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Tom Arnold came up on the podcast recently, and I saw a picture of his now ski

And, personally, I like fat guys, because they make me feel better about myself. When you get into it with a fat guy you always win. If a cop writes you a chicken-shit ticket, and you look in the rear-view mirror and see him waddle back to his cruiser, you can think, “I win, because you’re a lard ass and I’m not.” If a guy swipes the spot you were trying to park in at the Costco, and he gets out of the car and you see that he’s a wide load there to get a pallet of Chef Boyardee, you can think, “I win, Tubby, even though I’m here to buy Rogaine and wine.” Even if the guy is getting out of a Bentley in front of a salon in Beverly Hills and you’re in a Daihatsu Charade, you can still think, “I win,” as you watch him waddle in for his weekly pedicure in elastic waist pants.

What former fatties forget about, especially the guys, is that you don’t go from fat to ski

Weird Handshake Guy: So

We’ve all experienced this. We go for the shake and it’s like the Pope holding out his hand for you to kiss his ring. Are you afraid that you’re go

There are lots of variants on the lame handshake. There’s the guy who grips the front of your hand and just milks your cuticles. Or the guy who has an odd style of handshake. I don’t mean the soul brother complicated eight-stage handshake. I’m talking about the guy who takes the traditional handshake but instead of going up and down he goes right to left, or who takes your hand and turns it ninety degrees so that it is flat, and then shakes. People won’t think, “It is nice doing business with you,” if you go in with a handshake like this. They will think, “Too bad he was bullied as a child,” instead.