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I thought I was safe heading to Lowe’s. I even threw out the “just get anything you want” line because I’m a baller like that. Of course, you quite literally found the diamond in the rough.

Money has no meaning anymore because every transaction is handled with plastic cards. And soon, we’ll just use our phones. You won’t even need to swipe a card; you’ll scan your iPhone screen. Money used to count for more because you held it in your hands. It’s not tangible anymore. My kids have never seen their mom take out cash to pay for anything. I don’t even think they’d know what it was. “Mom, why are you handing that person green paper instead of the magical never-ending money card?”

Here’s how bad our lack of understanding of money has gotten, and how badly it’s affecting our kids. I always look for the little signs that our society is coming apart at the seams. The latest is a public service a

And what message does this send about keeping your shit together in general? Twenty-five years from now what can my grandkids look forward to as far as PSAs? “It Takes Courage to Sit Up”? “It Takes Courage to Wipe”? “It Takes Courage to Chew and Even More to Swallow”?

I know I’m talking a lot about money, but I want to be clear as we come to a close about one thing. Sure, money helps, but I have a lot of bread and I’m still pissed off all the time. You should make as much money as you can, especially since I won’t be leaving you any. But don’t expect it to solve all your problems. Trust me, the whole “money doesn’t buy happiness” thing is actually true.

When you’re poor, you feel that the reason you’re unhappy is because you don’t have money. “I’m eating at the Shakey’s Bunch-of-Lunch buffet again. If I could just afford to go to a nice restaurant I’d be happy.” But then, sometimes those people get money and realize their lives are still filled with unhappiness and problems. And now that they can’t blame their poverty, they have to start looking within and changing and there’s nothing harder or scarier than trying to change your life. If you’re unhappy without money, you’ll be unhappy with money. Dr. Drew often says that we all hit our mean. Just like we have a biological homeostasis, we have an emotional homeostasis. We’re always trying to find balance and get back there when we’re out of whack, even if it sucked. So you are who you are, and getting a sixty-inch flat panel television is not going to change that. A little introspection, a little therapy and making different choices might.

I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been the guy in the Shakey’s booth with the Mojo potatoes thinking, “If I could just afford to go to Sizzler, that would be sweet. Then I’d be happy.” I could buy a Sizzler franchise right now, and I’m still not happy. And there have been times when I was broke and very happy. When I was a drunk teenager visiting Tijuana and didn’t have two pesos to rub together, I was quite happy. Having money doesn’t make you happy, being happy makes you happy.

And no matter how much money you have, you can’t buy friends. If you’re rich or poor, it doesn’t matter when it comes to friends. You can be broke as shit and still sit around with friends high on pot brownies and watch Caddyshack over and over again and laugh your ass off. As I noted earlier, a lot of times money comes between friends and ruins those relationships. You lend an old pal money, never get it back, stop talking to each other and have him be the one pissed at you.