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So, let’s first talk about don’t go there. As we all knowpainfully, by nowwhen you mention something someone thinks you shouldn’t go into any further, they say, “Don’t go there.” What they fail to realize, of course, is that, technically, by the time they’ve told you not to go there, it’s too late. You’re already there, because you’ve already mentioned whatever it is they’re uncomfortable with. At a time like that, what they should be saying is, “Don’t stay there.” Or, at the very least, “Please hurry back.” Sort of like “Wish you were here.”

The only time I would tell someone “Don’t go there” is if they told me they were pla

By the way, when one of those TV newsmen on MSNBC recently tried to get his co-anchor lady to react to some juicy celebrity rumor, she said to him, “I am so not going there.” And I thought, “Why am I allowing a person like this to bring me the news?’

BEING AND DOING

Another phrase I don’t care for is been there, done that. I, personally, am not so cock)’. I prefer the modest approach. Instead of “Been there, done that,’ I will usually say, “Been nearby, done something similar.” And by the way, most people don’t seem to know the complete expression. I heard Drew Barrymore say it on The Tonight Show: “Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.” It’s a little smarter and it hasn’t been overused yet.

WHERE WERE YOU?

Staying with this subject of location, when someone is ending a long-term relationship, quite often they’ll tell the other party, “You were never there for me.” Here, again, what they may be forgetting is that possibly at some time in the past they had told that very same person, “Don’t go there.” So how can they blame the person for not being there when they themselves had issued specific instructions not to go there in the first place? It seems unfair.

SO MOVE!

Additionally, many people who are ending relationships use another bothersome phrase: moving on. They’ll say, “I found Steve in bed with a carnival worker and they were doing unpleasant things to a chipmunk. So I’m moving on.” And I think to myself, “Actually, Steve sounds more like the one who’s moving on.”

Or they might say, “I’m leaving Armando. He beat me up yesterday in the

frozen-food section of the supermarket. He struck me in the head repeatedly with a Stourfer’s Lean Cuisine. I believe it was the Chicken Cordon Bleu. I’m moving on.” Occasionally, I get impatient with these people. When they tell me they’re moving on, I look at my watch and say, “Well, isn’t it about time you got started? No sense standing around here, talking to me, when you could be out there . . . moving on.’

I don’t know, I guess it all works out, because when I run into the same person a few months later, they usually say, “I’m in a whole different place now.” And I don’t think they’re referring to Pittsburgh.

KNOW YOUR PLACE

And by the way, speaking of geographic locations, why is San Francisco always said to be in the Bay Area, while Saudi Arabia is in the Gulf Region? Is a region really bigger than an area? And what about a belt? How big is a belt? The Bible Belt is bigger than the Borscht Belt. Maybe that’s because there are more Christians than Jews. But that doesn’t explain the Rust Belt. In the last several decades, a good deal of the US. population has moved from the Rust Belt to the Sun Belt. People changed belts. By the way, part of the Sun Belt runs right through the Bible Belt. That must be confusing.

ZONING OUT

And let’s not forget zones, especially war zones. The media like that phrase. If there’s any kind of explosion at all, even a small gas heater, they’ll say, “The living room looked like a war zone.’ Most of the time it’s an overstatement. Because when you get right down to it, the only thing that looks like a war zone is a combat area.