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movie directors became filmmakers,

company presidents became chief executive officers,

family doctors became primary-care providers,

manicurists became nail technicians,

magazine photographers became photojournalists,

weightlifters became bodybuilders

and bounty hunters now prefer to be called recovery agents

And speaking of lifting, those retail-store security people who keep an eye on shoplifters are known as loss-prevention managers. Still more to come. Later.

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IN THE FUTURE:

The human life span will be extended to 200 years, but the last 150 will be spent in unremitting pain and sadness.

No one will take drugs, but people will still buy them and conceal them from the police.

Children will be required to attend school only when something comes up in conversation they do not understand.

All people will speak the same language, but no one will speak it well.

Science will develop exotic flowers capable of producing music. Most of these plants will be exploited by record companies.

All farming will cease and the land will be used for loitering.

Although people will not keep pets of any kind, someone will still occa sionally step in dogshit.

A race of people living in the center of the Earth will be discovered when one of them comes out to buy a sunlamp.

Miners will exploit the ocean floor, and, when trapped in a mine, the wives who gather to wait at the entrance will be forced to tread water.

A team of astronauts will attempt to harness a comet and never be seen again.

The human body will develop fins and gills, and beach property will increase tenfold in value.

Man will learn to control the weather with a large hammer.

A time machine will be built, but no one will have time to use it.

At birth, religions will charge people an initial fee of $50,000 and then pretty much leave them alone.

All the knowledge in the world will be contained on a single, tiny silicon chip which someone will misplace.

People will be born with just enough money to last until they get seriously ill.

The speed of the Earth’s rotation will increase and everyone less than five feet tall will be flung off into space, including Paul Anka.

The sun’s light will diminish until it is the equivalent of a forty-watt bulb, and people with highly developed squinting skills will have a survival advantage.

Every part of the human body will become replaceable, but all parts will be back-ordered six months.