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The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls.

I can’t understand a grown man whose nickname is Fuzzy and who actually allows people to call him that. Do these guys really introduce themselves that way? “Hi, I’m Fuzzy.’ If some guy said that to me, I would say to him, “Well, you don’t look very fuzzy to me.”

If you vote once, you’re considered a good citizen. If you vote twice, you face four years in jail.

In this country, alcohol is hardly ever seen as a drug problem. Instead, we think of it as more of a driving problem.

Life is simple: Your happiness will be based completely on luck and genetics. Everything comes down to luck and genetics. And when you think about it, even your genetics is luck.

Seems as though I never get to do the fox-trot anymore.

What’s going on with these people who tell you to “have a safe trip’? I would never tell a person that. Because if they died it would feel really creepy.

If I had been in charge of reorganizing the government’s security agencies into a homeland defense organization, I would have divided the responsibilities into two agencies: The Bureau of What the Fuck Was That? and The Department of What the Fuck Are We Go

READ ONLY

Don’t you get tired of this simpleminded Laura Bush nonsense about children reading, or reading to children, or teaching children to read, or reading to children about teaching, or whatever the fuck it is? What is it with these Bush women? His motherthe big silver douche bagwas into the same sort of nonsense. These women should not be encouraging children to read, they should be encouraging children to question what they read. Content is far more important than the mere act of sitting with your mother and dragging your eyes across text. By the way, I noticed that, apparently, the idea of teaching children to read didn’t work when Barbara tried it on George.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

EUPHEMISMS: Political-Interest Groups

Not all the political manipulation of language is done by the big bad politicians. A lot of it comes from people who think of themselves as good and virtuous: the politically active. Activists. As opposed, I guess, to “passivists.” Who should not be confused with pacifists, who are, after all, quite often activists.

GOD HELP US

Let’s start with faith-based, which was chosen by right-wing holy people to replace the word religious in political contexts. In other words, they’ve conceded that religion has a bad name. I guess they figured people worry about religious fanatics, but no one’s ever heard of a faith-basedfanatic.

And by the way, none of the Bush religious fanatics will admit this, but the destruction of the World Trade Center was a faith-based initiative. A fundamentalist-Moslem, faith-based initiative. Different faith, but hey, were all about diversity here.

The use of faith-based is just one more way the Bush administration found to bypass the Constitution. They knew Americans would never approve of government-promoted religious initiatives, but faith-based? Hey, what’s the problem?