Страница 56

'Well, what would you do then, clever clogs?' says Jemima, putting her hands on her hips.

'OK,' says Lissy. 'If I was going to stoop so low as get my revenge, which I never would

because personally I think it's a huge mistake…' She pauses for breath. 'I'd do exactly what

he did. I'd expose one of his secrets.'

'Actually… that's rather good,' says Jemima grudgingly.

'Humiliate him,' says Lissy, with a tiny air of vindication. 'Embarrass him. See how he likes it.'

They both turn and look at me expectantly.

'But I don't know any of his secrets,' I say.

'You must do!' says Jemima.

'Of course you do!'

'I don't,' I say, feeling a fresh humiliation. 'Lissy, you had it right all along. Our relationship

was completely one-sided. I shared all my secrets with him — but he didn't share any of his

with me. He didn't tell me anything. We weren't soulmates. I was a completely deluded

moron.'

'Emma, you weren't a moron,' says Lissy, putting a sympathetic hand on mine. 'You were just

trusting.'

'Trusting — moron — it's the same thing.'

'You must know something!' says Jemima. 'You slept with him, for goodness sake! He must

have some secret. Some weak point.'

'An Achilles' heel,' puts in Lissy, and Jemima gives her an odd look.

'It doesn't have to be to do with his feet,' she says, and turns to me, pulling a 'Lissy's lost it'

face. 'It could be anything. Anything at all. Think back!'

I close my eyes obediently and cast my mind back. But my mind's swirling a bit, from all that

schnapps. Secrets… Jack's secrets… think back…

Scotland. Suddenly a coherent thought passes through my mind. I open my eyes, feeling a

tingle of exhilaration. I do know one of his secrets. I do!

'What?' says Jemima avidly. 'Have you remembered something?'

'He…' I stop, feeling torn.

I did make a promise to Jack. I did promise.

But then, so what? So bloody what? My chest swells in emotion again. Why on earth am I

keeping any stupid promise to him? It's not like he kept my secrets to himself, is it?

'He was in Scotland!' I say triumphantly. 'The first time we met after the plane, he asked me to

keep it a secret that he was in Scotland.'

'Why did he do that?' says Lissy.

'I du

'What was he doing in Scotland?' puts in Jemima.

'I du

There's a pause.

'Hmm,' says Jemima kindly. 'It's not the most embarrassing secret in the world, is it? I mean,

plenty of smart people live in Scotland. Haven't you got anything better? Like… does he

wear a chest wig?'

'A chest wig!' Lissy gives an explosive snort of laughter. 'Or a toupee!'

'Of course he doesn't wear a chest wig. Or a toupee,' I retort indignantly. Do they honestly

think I'd go out with a man who wore a toupee?

'Well then, you'll have to make something up,' says Jemima. 'You know, before the affair with

the scientist, Mummy was treated very badly by some politician chap. So she made up a

rumour that he was taking bribes from the Communist party, and passed it round the House of

Commons. She always says, that taught De

'Not… De

'Er, yes, I think that was him.'

'The disgraced Home Secretary?' Lissy looks aghast. 'The one who spent his whole life

fighting to clear his name and ended up in a mental institution?'

'Well, he shouldn't have messed Mummy around, should he?' says Jemima, sticking out her

chin. A bleeper goes off in her pocket. 'Time for my footbath!'

As she disappears back into the house, Lissy rolls her eyes.

'She's nuts,' she says. 'Totally nuts. Emma, you are not making anything up about Jack

Harper.'

'I won't make anything up!' I say indignantly. 'Who do you think I am? Anyway.' I stare into

my schnapps, feeling my exhilaration fade away. 'Who am I kidding? I could never get my

revenge on Jack. I could never hurt him. He doesn't have any weak points. He's a huge,