Страница 61

'Emma, I want to make this up to you,' he says, as the woman hurries away. 'Could we have

lunch? A drink? A… a smoothie?' His face crinkles into a tiny smile, but I don't smile back.

I'm too confused to smile. I can feel part of me starting to unbend; I can feel part of me

starting to believe him. Wanting to forgive him. But my mind is still jumbled up. Things are

still wrong somewhere.

'I don't know,' I say, rubbing my nose.

'Things were going so well, before I had to go and fuck it up.'

'Were they?' I say.

'Weren't they?' Jack hesitates, gazing at me over the heather. 'I kind of thought they were.'

My mind is buzzing. There are things I need to say. There are things I need to get into the

open. A thought crystallizes in my head.

'Jack… what were you doing in Scotland? When we first met.'

At once, Jack's expression changes. His face closes up and he looks away.

'Emma, I'm afraid I can't tell you that.'

'Why not?' I say, trying to sound light.

'It's… complicated.'

'OK, then.' I think for a moment. 'Where did you go rushing off to that night with Sven? When

you had to cut our date short.'

Jack sighs.

'Emma-'

'How about the night you had all those calls? What were those about?'

This time, Jack doesn't even bother answering.

'I see.' I push my hair back, trying to stay calm. 'Jack, did it ever occur to you that in all our

time together, you hardly told me anything about yourself?'

'I… guess I'm a private person,' says Jack. 'Is it such a big deal?'

'It's quite a big deal to me. I shared everything with you. Like you said. All my thoughts, all

my worries, everything. And you shared nothing with me.'

'That's not true-' He steps forward, still holding the cumbersome basket, and several sprigs

of heather fall to the ground.

'Practically nothing, then.' I close my eyes briefly, trying to sort my thoughts. 'Jack,

relationships are all about trust and equality. If one person shares, then the other person

should share, too. I mean, you didn't even tell me you were going to be on television.'

'It was just a dumb interview, for Chrissakes!' A girl with six shopping bags knocks yet more

heather out of Jack's basket, and in frustration he dumps it on a passing motorcycle courier's

pa

'I told you all my secrets,' I say stubbornly. 'You didn't tell me any of yours.'

Jack gives a sigh.

'With all due respect, Emma, I think it's a little different-'

'What?' I stare at him in shock. 'Why… why should it be any different?'

'You have to understand. I have things in my life which are very sensitive… complicated…

very important…'

'And I don't?' My voice bursts from me like a rocket. 'You think my secrets are less important

than yours? You think I'm less hurt by you blurting them out on television?' I'm shaking all

over, with fury, with disappointment. 'I suppose that's because you're so huge and important

and I'm — what am I, again, Jack?' I can feel my eyes glittering with tears. 'A nothing-special

girl? An "ordinary, nothing-special girl"?'

Jack winces, and I can see I've hit home. He closes his eyes and for a long time I think he isn't

going to speak.

'I didn't mean to use those words,' he says, rubbing his forehead. 'The minute I said them, I

wished I could take them back. I was… I was trying to evoke something very different from

that… a kind of image He looks up. 'Emma, you have to know I didn't mean-'

'I'm going to ask you again!' I say, my heart pounding. 'What were you doing in Scotland?'

There's silence. As I meet Jack's eyes, I know he's not going to tell me. He knows this is

important to me and he's still not going to tell me.

'Fine,' I say, my voice lurching slightly. 'That's fine. I'm obviously not as important as you.

I'm just some amusing girl who provides you with entertainment on flights and gives you

ideas for your business.'