Страница 26

HE’S SMILING DOWN

After the death of some person (even many years after) you will often hear someone refer to the deceased by saying, ‘I get the feeling he’s up there now, smiling down on us. And I think he’s pleased.” I actually heard this when some dead coach’s son was being inducted into the Football Hall of Fame.

First of all, it’s extremely doubtful that there’s any “up there’ to smile down from. It’s poetic, and I guess it’s comforting. But it probably doesn’t exist. Besides, if a person did somehow survive death in a nonphysical form, he would be far too busy with other things to be smiling down on people.

.And why is it we never hear that someone is “smiling up at us.’ I suppose it doesn’t occur to people that a loved one might be in hell. And in that case the person in question probably wouldn’t be smiling. More likely, he’d be screaming. “I get the feeling he’s down there now, screaming up at us. And I think he his in pain.” People just refuse to be realistic.

THIS PUTS EVERYTHING IN PERSPECTIVE

This nonsense will often crop up after some unexpected sports death like that of Cardinals pitcher Darryl Kile. After one of these athletes sudden death, one of his dopey teammates will say, “This really puts everything in perspective. ” And I say, listen, putz, if you need someone to die in order to put things in perspective, you’ve got problems. You ain’t payin’ enough attention.

AMERICA’S LOST INNOCENCE

I keep hearing that America lost its i

LET THE HEALING BEGIN

This bothersome sentiment is usually heard following some large-scale killing or accident that’s been overreported in the news. Like Columbine, Oklahoma City

or the World Trade Center. It’s often accompanied by another meaningless, overworked cliche, “closure.” People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next “horrifying” event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound “heals” it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, “Let the scarring begin.” Just trying to be helpful here.

Consolidated International: We Need You

Were Consolidated International, and we might be looking for you. Are you one of those submissive people who show up, punch in, put out, pitch in, punch out, clean up, head home, throw up, turn in, sack out and shut up? That’s what we need, people we can keep in line. We just might have a place for you. Consolidated International: People making things, so people have things to do things to other people with.

THE FANATICS WILL WIN

I hope you good, loyal Americans understand that in the long run the Islamist extremists are going to win. Because you can’t beat numbers, and you cant beat fanaticismthe willingness to die for an idea.

A country like ours, preoccupied with Jet Skis, off-road vehicles, snow boards, Jacuzzis, microwave ovens, pornography, lap dances, massage parlors, escort services, panty liners, penis enhancement, tummy tucks, thongs and Odor Eaters doesn’t have a prayernot even a good, old-fashioned

Christian prayeragainst a billion fanatics who hate that country, detest its materialism and have nothing really to lose. Maybe fifty years ago, but not today when germs and chemicals and nuclear materials are for sale everywhere.

People who don’t give a shit and have nothing to lose will always prevail over people who are fighting for some vague sentiment scrawled on a piece of parchment. Folks, they’re go