Страница 38

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

WONG: Can the public help?

KING’S MAN: We’re asking people who may have information to call our tip-line, 800-429-EGGS. All calls will be held in strict confidence.

WONG: Thank you for talking with us, Officer Dooley. Well, that’s it from the scene, Keith. Humpty Dumpty dead, at the bottom of a wall. Now let’s send it over to Marcia Lopez at the Dumpty family residence. Marcia?

LOPEZ: Thank you, Joanie. I’m standing here with Humpty’s best friend, Vi

OMELETTA: Easygoing. Nice guy. One time, when some kids were teasing him about being’ fat, he bought ‘em all an ice cream.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LOPEZ: What do you think happened?

OMELETTA: I don’t know. I saw him just yesterday, he was fine. I told him to stay off that wall. It’s not safe, some of those bricks are loose. But he was headstrong; he never listened.

LOPEZ: Thank you, Vi

MRS. DUMPTY: Yes. I’m still in shock. My thoughts are all scrambled. LOPEZ: How did you feel when you found out he was dead? MRS. DUMPTY: It was no fun, I can tell you that. He was a good egg. LOPEZ: What do you suppose he was doing on the wall?

MRS. DUMPTY: He went up there all the time. He would just sit there and think. He was very deep. For an egg.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LOPEZ: What are your plans for services? Will there be...

MRS. DUMPTY: Well, he was very conservative, so we’ll probably stick with a traditional egg funeral.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LOPEZ: What is that?

MRS. DUMPTY: You know, skillet, a little butter, salt and pepper. Maybe some peppers and onions.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LOPEZ: Will you have an open casket?

MRS. DUMPTY: I’m not sure. A lot of him has already soaked into the ground. But we’ll Krazy Glue the shell together as best we can, and go from there.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LOPEZ: How can people express their condolences?

MRS. DUMPTY: We’re asking people just to send bacon. Or ham, if they like. And maybe some home fries, but not too greasy. Or they can just make a contribution to the Humpty Dumpty Foundation for Research on Safer Egg Salad.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LOPEZ: Thank you so much, Mrs. Dumpty.