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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LESTER: You believe in wishes? I mean, you believe they...

CHESTER: Nah. I believe in wishes, but I don’t believe they come true. Not unless it’s a real easy wish, like “I wish I was at a birthday party.” But you gotta blow out all the candles, or else the wish don’t come true. If one candle stays lit, you don’t get your wish.

LESTER: Well, suppose you wished one candle would stay lit. CHESTER: Whaddya mean?

LESTER: I mean suppose you wished that one candle would stay lit, and then you blew them all out. What would happen?

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

CHESTER: Well, it couldn’t happen. Unless you blew them all...

LESTER: But if you blew them all out, then one candle wouldn’t have stayed lit, so your wish wouldn’t have come true.

CHESTER: Don’t give me that college shit, will ya? Jesus! Herbie, y’ever notice this guy? As soon as you start talkin’ about something’ intelligent, he has to throw in that college shit. He says, “If you wish for one candle to stay lit, it won’t happen unless you blow all the candles out.” That’s the kind of shit they teach in college now.

LESTER: That’s right. It just so happens my major was Comparative Birthday Cakes, with a minor in Frosting.

CHESTER: It wouldn’t surprise me. LESTER: Ya go

CHESTER: They come fifty in a box. What am I go

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LESTER: In your family it might work out.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

CHESTER: I know. That’s why I ain’t go

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

LESTER: Okay, so long. Have a happy birthday!

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

CHESTER: I’ll do my best.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, LIL

One Christmas, when I was little, my aunt Lil gave me a book about railroads. It was just the kind of gift I hated. A book. I wanted a toy. Preferably a little car or truck, or maybe a few soldiers; I didn’t ask much. Just some kind of toy a boy could play with every day and not get tired of. No. A boring fucking book about railroads with pictures of fucking trains.